Yeah, so, I was on Dr. Phil today — totally exploiting my baby. He was well-behaved, but more importantly, he was well lit, a lesson you can’t learn too early in this life.
The topic was about moms and free time; some social scientist came out with a study saying moms have 30-40 hours of free time. In my estimation, this is a loose definition of the term “free.”
For example, if my head was in the guillotine, technically, I would have to log that two minutes before my execution as “free time,” yet it wouldn’t seem that relaxing. I made this analogy on the show, but I assume it was removed because a) French execution jokes not in line with Dr. Phil audience taste 2) It wasn’t really funny, but I think the point is apt. Perhaps a sociologist can log our time and show that we have more of it than we thought, emotionally, though, it’s all screwed up.
When my baby is napping, he could sleep an hour, he could sleep two hours, he could start wailing ten minutes after I put him down. I have to be prepared for all of these eventualities, thus, this so-called “free” time is not free of worry. You know what I mean if you’re a parent, because even though you may get a few spare minutes here or there, the kid doesn’t fax you a schedule ahead of time and he doesn’t give you a heads-up when his needs are going to change. The notification that you are on duty isn’t subtle or polite.
Anyway, the professor who did the study was a very nice man in a serious Bill Cosby sweater. They may have also cut this out, but I’m haunted by it so why not let it all out here? I mentioned his sweater on the episode as if to say, “You must be smart, look at your sweater” — meaning, “professors always wear tweed and the like, and you are obviously in the garb of a learned man.” Sadly, it came out more, “you’re sweater is ugly and I’m being a snarky asshole.”
Tone, tone, tone. Sometimes, mine just sucks. I apologized to him after the show, and he couldn’t have cared less. In fact, he told me he loved that sweater, had owned it 25 years and wouldn’t let the wardrobe department talk him out of wearing it. Bless his smart heart.
Still, it wouldn’t be a day if there wasn’t something I wish I could take back. Too bad I used my life time supply of “do-overs” playing ping pong with my brother.
Also, a female comedian, Leanne Morgan is on the show, and she is way funnier and more prepared. This woman is folksy, southern accent, hilarious and also a believably sweet mother of three. Watch just for her. Audience loved her, as well they should. God, she is really good.
Here is more info and some clips from the show, if you’re interested.
I know not everyone loves Dr. Phil, but he and his staff are so mom-friendly. In fact, just before this episode, I was pumping milk in my dressing room, which they arranged so I could have some privacy. He hired me when I was eight months pregnant, three weeks post baby and now, so I’m grateful. Mommy needs to keep her union insurance.
Buster, let the exploitation begin.
If you leave a nice comment, Dr. Phil may have me back. No pressure. Buster and I will be just fine at the free clinic when our coverage runs out.