With my son. Just wanted to type that.
He was known as Frank Breech, but after a C-Section and a few days of toiling over his official name, Frank “Buster” Breech became Nathaniel James.
He was born 7.7 pounds, and when he came out, he looked purple like a bunch of grapes held up at a Sunday farmer’s market. I don’t know who it was – a doctor, a nurse, the anesthesiologist, someone announced, “He’s a chunky monkey” and I’ve never been more excited to hear the first fat joke about my son. I knew no one would be joking if he didn’t have all of his fingers and toes and appear to be in good working order. You don’t start rhyming and referencing Ben n’ Jerry’s flavors when things are going awry. Even someone with a spinal block, restraints and a nasty case of Hebrew panic knows this on some visceral level. Especially, maybe.
To say I’ve never been more relieved is such an understatement it’s kind of a shame; I should probably not be allowed to write until I can actually pass a reasonable stool. Maybe normal movement of one’s colon is critical to self-expression not involving lame cliches and semi-obvious declarations. Please, humor me until the Colace and prune juice kick in.
So, after he was pronounced a chunky monkey, and the doctor said, “He was definitely breech … and definitely a boy …” (guess he presented with a big rump and typically swollen baby balls) I started bawling right there on the table, tears pooling around my oxygen mask, trying not to choke on snot and shock and the weird mucus that collects when you’re on your back and pregnant. Until the second they brought him over to me and let me kiss his goopy, red face, I was convinced that setting up a crib, and buying a rug for his nursery and occasionally imagining he would be okay would all have cursed him, and that I would never, ever be lucky enough to get a real live healthy baby.
No matter how many tests told me otherwise and how often I saw his heartbeat, even moments before they removed him and I could hear his heart thudding steady and strong on the fetal heart monitor, I was sure this was all a big mistake and that something would be wrong and everyone had missed it.
All that being said - and I promise to say more once I’m back in business – this C-Section was gnarly. I know some people find them easy, I am not one of those people.
The recovery was and is more difficult than I imagined, the surgery was terrifying and maybe this is just me, but I think I even caught a 24-hour bout of PTSD.
And I’m glad no one really gave me the nuts and bolts of the C, because it would have freaked my shit out. So I feel funny saying too much if anyone has one of these on the horizon, because you will be fine. Again, more to come, but I’m just so grateful to those of you who have followed this blog and sent your well wishes that I wanted to let you know that baby, mom and dad are doing great. Dad has changed every diaper and burped every burp because though I’m up to breast feeding the little guy, I can’t do much else with breaking doctor’s orders to avoid BLT: bending, lifting and twisting.
I’m yammering.
Sometimes it’s kind of nice to find yourself living a cliche, deliriously happy and deliriously tired mom. That’s me. Mom. I’m someone’s mom. He is my son.
For someone who wasn’t baby crazy, who didn’t really get babies at all, I do all the disgusting things like smell his head and take pictures of him incessantly and become convinced that I’m not biased at all, but that my baby actually is extra adorable with fantastic hair.
It’s my first day out of the hospital and like I said, I’m feeling pretty wrecked. Haven’t even had a chance to check out my new slice but I have run my fingers over it and I will tell you, they need a little extra room to remove the frank breech types. Seems about five inches or so. I’m okay with it, I just don’t want to look. And I still appear almost as pregnant as when I went in there. And my legs are swollen. On and on. Hard to wrap up this post which as far as prose goes is kind of a disaster. Time for a feeding, and yes, time for the boy to exploit me, as I have been doing him for the last six months.
Again, thanks for all of your kind words and well wishes and more than that, all of your very specific advice and recollections from everything to car seats to nipple pads to latching to morning sickness.
I read every single thing you wrote, and I often took your counsel and many times I dragged my husband over to read what you posted, because I was touched or consoled, because your experience was just like mine, and that made me feel less lonely. And I know that the sensations I’m having now, the baby “high” and the rubbing his velvety arms and the crying cause I can’t poop or sleep and the sad sack thoughts when I catch my bloated reflection and the surreal smacking myself over being his mom, and him not being in my stomach anymore, but instead sitting there in his bouncy seat, I know this has all been said and done and felt. Maybe by you. Instead of that taking away from its value, today, somehow it seems to add to it. Instead of scoffing at the human experience, I’m just giving in.
There aren’t that many main courses on the menu in this life, when it comes to the big experiences.
So, despite wanting to be terminally unique, at some point you order the chicken or the steak. Maybe the surf and turf. Because there are only so many dinners available at the cosmic table. The real comfort, and the big bombshell, isn’t how I felt too good to have what the rest of you were having, but not good enough. And here I am with my baby, like a billion and a half mothers before me, and we all want to hear that our children are chunky monkeys, and that we are not, and that’s where I find magic where I least expected it, right in the hackiness. There aren’t many offerings for dessert, either, and that’s the sweetest part, that we’re all telling the same stories and scooping our cold spoon into one infinite pint.
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Tags: baby names, childbirth, motherhood, Pregnancy
Congrats Teresa! I am so happy for you and your family! I have been following you (well, figuratively, not literally – that would be creepy) since Win Ben Stein’s Money, and I am a huge fan. I wish you all the best with baby Nathaniel! Keep a bloggin’!
T, Congrats!! As a woman who plans on going down the baby road at some point in the next few years, and with friends starting to have babies all around me, I’ve read your blog with great interest (and terror). I am so happy for you and your family. Best wishes and thanks for sharing!
Congratulations Teresa and Daniel – and welcome to the world Nathaniel! You are all blessed indeed and I am so happy for you.
As a mother of two (9 and 7 now) my best advice is to rely on that great sense of humor that you’ve got. And when things are difficult, tell yourselves “this too shall pass.” They will pass. And each stage is wonderful and exciting and has challenges and frustrations. No matter what stage, they all pass to quickly, so remember to live in the moment…smell your baby’s head, just sit and gaze at him, kiss his little feet. One day they’ll be big stinky feet and he won’t let you anywhere near them.
I wrote a parenting book when I had my first child and I’ll share it with you…my gift to you as new parents. The title? Whatever Works. The End.
It’s your life, your baby, and you are the ones who have to deal with an unhappy baby at 3AM. So do whatever works for you and your family. Chances are he won’t still be sleeping with you when he goes to college AND he’ll be potty-trained.
So welcome aboard the Mom train Teresa…it’s sometimes bumpy, sometimes smooth, but all the while the best thing you’re ever going to do.
With much, much joy…
Sue Fleet
happy for you, heard you talking on the radio and podcast the past months, its great fun to finally visit you on your website. wonder if someone already took the url exploitingmycscar.
Oh T. I am SO HAPPY FOR YOU! I am sitting in a most endless law school class right now and I decided to take a quick glance at your blog & I saw your new post……now I have TEARS IN MY EYES and the professor’s going to suspect something. So worth it. Knowing that your family has a new member makes me just so happy.
He’s adorable! But I sure don’t see the “chunky monkey” at all! Now mine, at 10 pounds, yes! ha ha. I had a c-section too, not because of breech but because he was just too darn LARGE to come out! Everything turned out fine, and he’s 6 now and tall and super-lean. I love having a son, and we are super close – I just know you guys will be too. From listening to you and reading your work I’ve always felt sorta a kinship with you because we think alike on oh, a vast majority of stuff. Enjoy this new chapter in your life and don’t miss a single moment of this exciting new person….it really does go by VERY fast.
I’m very happy to hear about your chunky monkey!!! You sound like me – when I had my nuchal translucency ultrasound (instead of an amnio) to determine if my twins are okay, I started bawling with relief when I found out they were perfectly normal. I know I probably will end up having a C-section in two months. Spare no detail. I need to know.
He’s very beautiful. Mazel tov!!
I have a Nathan, too.
I vividly remember the first few days after his birth, when that realization kept hitting me: I’m not just Lisa, anymore. I am Nathan’s MOM.
So happy for you
Teresa,
First of all, congratulations!!!!! I have followed your blog religiously, partly because I am about 6 weeks behind you, but mostly because your writing is brilliant, honest and funny in the kind of Jewish way they say is going away – accessible to all, but especially special to some. I am neurotically anticipating the arrival of my half-shiksa/half-sheyna little girl for what seems like forever; reading about your anxieties makes me feel like there is a kindred spirit out there who is worried about the baby having an inadequate number of digits, passing on some obscure jewish genetic disease despite the fact that the father is of a healthier, less inbred tribe, and obsessing over stretch marks and other hideous changes that the nurse tries to sell to me as beautiful signs of motherhood.
I am very happy and relieved for you. I wish you and your family all of the very best and can’t wait for more of your writing.
P.S. I had a sip of wine a few days ago and almost lost my goddamn mind. It was so good and I miss it terribly. I can’t wait to resume my normal “routine,” which includes a few glasses of wine at dinner and does not include snoring like a pig. Mostly, like you, I can’t wait to really know that she is healthy and living and in my arms.
T,
Just wanted to say well done! I am a neurotic father of a three year old and he’s turning out just fine. Can’t wait t read the book with my wife as we work on number 2. Congratulations! c
Congratulations on everything! I am so happy for you and I just marvel at how your life has changed since I found you on the radio one day three years ago! God Bless on your new baby and welcome to motherhood and all that goes with it!
Congrats and glad that your fears have abated, at least for now! I’ve enjoyed reading your blog and even tried suggesting it to my boyfriend. He apparently thought it was icky that you called your then fiance ‘Batman’ but those are just his T-esque quirks talking. Anyway, my only beef is that I’m one of those girls who also isn’t sure about bringing a child into this shit stained world. Love babies, but have pretty much all the fears you had. Pretty please tell me that this does NOT make a loser or someone who just doesn’t think she is good enough. I used to get the sense that we were in the same boat, but now it feels as if we are in two entirely different clubs. You’re in the “being a mommy is the best thing ever” club and I’m in the “looking for a suitable guy/loser who I’d too insecure to be a mommy club”. Maybe I’m just jealous. Despite all that I’m very happy you found Batman….and Buster.
Hello T !
As I said on your Shiva thread – congrats..congrats… I think both styles of delivery have their pros and cons I’ve done V-C-V and each was it’s own form of Alice through the Looking Glass. I *do* think that regardless of your birth *method* your FIRST baby is a whole ‘nuther level of experience far reaching beyond how bizarre your physical healing might be. Those first few months of transition from being only the sum total of your life experience to being the foundation of *someone ELSE’S* life is a paradigm shift that feels emotionally / psychologically like base jumping off the Golden Gate. I can’t wait to read your posts when you get to the “strange sleep deprivation dreams of new parenthood” practically everyone I know had dreams that they left the baby in cart at the grocery store or they accidently put the pacifier in the changing table and gave the baby a tube of Balmex to chew on. I once dreamed I took my baby to the dog groomers and the dog to daycare. I woke up with such a start that I felt my heart would pop out of my chest. Strangely those bizarre sleep deprived dreams got less frequent and much less amusing as each subsequent kid came on line. I think most parents can relate to your observations that their baby smells like nirvana. Here’s a weird little secret. I packed away a onsie from each of my kids that smelled their particular brand of magical smell. I almost forgot about them till my last move and I found three tiny plastic boxes. I opened my older daughters and almost 20 years later it still smelled faintly her sweet smell.
You can NEVER take too many pictures. I have three *big* albums for each of my kids first two years. The LOVE to haul them out and have me “narrate”.
Congratulations, T and family! I was listening the day you announced your pregnancy on the ACS. Hard to believe that this day arrived so quickly (for me anyway).
Have fun. Know that these first few weeks are really HARD, normal is coming very soon.
Peace and good wishes always, wh
and it will only continue to suprise and get better..
congrats and classy name choice!
xo
Congratulations. In a way, your life is only beginning now, as it will never be the same again. No matter how many times I heard that said, I never believed it until I was where you are now. Look at that little kid and try and convince yourself otherwise. Just can’t do it.
In the end you picked a great name.
Congratulations! You both look amazing!!
Contrats, T (and family). I wish you a speedy recovery. I PROMISE a few years from now the scar will barely be noticeable. It will shrink from what you think is five or six inches down to about three… your stomach is swollen, remember? You have baby weight, swelling, and abdominal surgery to recover from. Try to think on the bright side, all of that pain could be in another region of your body that would be much more uncomfortable. Burning every time nature calls, itching from stitches elsewhere… you get the idea. Its no picnic, but I don’t think the birthing process is supposed to be.
Beautiful baby. You’re going to be a great mother.
Attaboy Buster!!!
Congrats T!!!! Baby Nathaniel is so freaking cute…I’m so happy you guys are all doing well. You and Batman will be amazing parents
Can’t wait to hear you back on the podcast talking about being a new mom!
Theresa,
Congratulations to you and your family! I have been reading your blog since the begining and have enjoyed every entry. This one is my favorite.
I have been checking for this entry every day since your last excited to see how healthy and adorable your son would be. After all of your insecurities and worries your son is here and the all of the fun begins. Smell his head, take your pictures, hug him, hold him and kiss him every chance you get. One day he will scoff at your kisses and hugs and the baby smell only lasts so long. You are already a good mom.
***I love how Batman allowed you to get dressed and fix your hair before taking your picture.
Congratulations again.
Congratulations. While I think Frank Breech would have been a great name, Nathaniel James is a bit classier. Now, just remember the short attention span pediatrician’s simple rule about babies: They eat, sleep, poop, pee and cry. If they do too much or too little of any of them, it’s time to have them checked.
Congrats T….10 fingers and toes is all you can ask
More pictures! More pictures!
Congratulations! Reading this made me cry… Remembering when my daughter (2yrs) and son (7months) were born. There is nothing in this world like carrying your child inside you and then giving birth to them. Seeing their face for the first time and looking into their infinite eyes. I think the most wonderful part of being a Mom is that when you’re pregnant and when your baby is first born, the love you feel for them doesn’t even compare to the love that you feel for them as they grow. It’s impossible to describe. And even though it’s been done a billion times before by other moms, your experience is just as monumental and amazing because it’s yours. Good luck and enjoy every second (even the impossibly frustrating ones bc believe me there will be quite a few) bc it goes so fast. Know that you’re not alone and that it’s ok to be frustrated and feel like you don’t know what you’re doing! Congrats again! You did amazing making a new little person!
T, as a fellow anxious person, I find myself wanting to reach through my computer to shake you (lovingly) and say “You are connecting with people! It’s important and valuable! Thank you!” So there. Perfection through accepting imperfections. Congratulations, and I love what you said about there only being a few main courses in this life. Well said, and well done making a person!
Congratulations! Your right, he is extra cute. I had a c-section with my first and it was horrible, get rest!
Mazel tov!!!!!! I’m sooo thrilled for you!!! I’m due Oct. 23 and you’ve been a huge inspiration along the way!!! I am currently enjoying the stage of the Fred Sanford noises when I attempt to roll over in bed grabbing tightly to my Snoogle! My husband is counting the days..
The good times have begun… and every other cliché thing you hear about the joys and challenges of motherhood! I am so happy for you! I often think about the time I called in to your radio show. I was newly pregnant with my twins and you were trying. It’s calming when baby is crying to remember how he was planned for and how very much you wanted him in your life! He is soooo fortunate to have you as his mother! Best wishes to you and your family.
Congratulations, Teresa! My wife gave birth (via the Section C) on the same day as you! Thanks for being there with this blog and Mr. Aceman’s podcast…. I’ve been making her listen to your insights about this whole birthin’ business for months, since you guys were almost “in sync” with pregnanticity. Your blog brightened her days even as the swelling increased. You have my gratitude.
Enjoy your new addition, and please; don’t expect to sleep much for awhile. I forgot about this part of the equation since our first daughter was born. I think God makes parents forget that these little buggers keep you awake for so long, or we’d never make more! A practical joke from the Almighty Prankster, it is.
Cheers!
Congratulations! I am glad you have joined the world of motherhood. Most of all I am glad you share in my feelings on c-sections. After having two of them I avoid knowing to much about them. A new baby is the best thing in the whole world. Enjoy every minute.
Congrats T! dealt with the C/S and PTSD following it. It gets better. Day at a time. Just take care of you and the baby and don’t worry about anything else.
Congratulations, Teresa! I am very happy for you. Reading your blog makes me want to have a baby too.
I can’t wait to hear you back on the podcast.
I’m so happy I can’t stop crying! Congrats…and such a beautiful name!!! I know you will be busy for the next few months recovering and such but I can’t wait to read whatever you write next and to hear your voice on the podcast. Enjoy this magical time and welcome to motherhood!
Thanks. Thank you. Thank you SO much, Teresa Strasser. Now I am sitting at my desk at work, not even hidden by so much as a low cubicle, with tears welling up and streaming down my face, after reading such a simply beautiful entry with love dripping off all sides of it like frosting down a cupcake in the sun. I now face a dilemma- do I reach for a tissue and try to save my eye makeup while possibly catching the attention of approx. ten nearby coworkers, or do I just sit as still as possible and hope it dries without any visible signs of me being an emotional pile of applesauce? I’ll sit still. Maybe no one will notice if I keep the sniffing to a minimum. I am 27, not pregnant, not even married yet- in fact, it will take a miracle for my boyfriend to man up and actually propose. But I think your post just made me start lactating.
Sincerest congratulations to you and your husband- you’re now in a part of life where the moon glows a bit brighter and the stars twinkle just a little more. I’m so happy for you!
That was really beautiful. And I find just letting the tears air dry saves the mascara. If I can make one single girl lactate, I’ve really accomplished something.
t
Congratulations Teresa!! Nathaniel is so adorable and I’m glad to hear that you have a healthy baby boy. When you get a chance, let us know how the C-section went pre and post too.
Bigtime happy for you! As dad of four healthy kids (now 8-25) you’re in for a long and interesting and satisfying next 25+ years. You’ll do well. Peace – el Scotto
Teresa,
First of all, congratulations!!!!! I have followed your blog religiously, partly because I am about 6 weeks behind you, but mostly because your writing is brilliant, honest and funny in the kind of Jewish way they say is going away – accessible to all, but especially special to some. I am neurotically anticipating the arrival of my half-shiksa/half-sheyna little girl for what seems like forever; reading about your anxieties makes me feel like there is a kindred spirit out there who is worried about the baby having an inadequate number of digits, passing on some obscure Jewish genetic disease despite the fact that the father is of a healthier, less inbred tribe, and obsessing over stretch marks and other hideous changes that the nurse tries to sell to me as beautiful signs of motherhood.
I am very happy and relieved for you. I wish you and your family all of the very best and can’t wait for more of your writing.
P.S. I had a sip of wine a few days ago and almost lost my goddamn mind. It was so good and I miss it terribly. I too can’t wait to resume my normal “routine,” which includes a few glasses of wine at dinner and does not include snoring like a pig. Mostly, like you, I can’t wait to really know that she is healthy and living and in my arms.
Congratulations T!! What a beautiful picture! You both look perfect. =)
I’m sitting here bawling after reading your blog. I’m looking over at my soon to be 12 year old son, but seeing him as a newborn. It goes so fast, and my only advice would be that whatever he needs (emotionally speaking), give it to him. People are constantly wanting to rush their children into the next stage of life. I didn’t want him to sleep in my bed when he was a baby…he slept with me for a year. I tried to fight him on the potty training, but he didn’t go ONE second before he was ready..lol. Dalton was too scared to sleep alone in his room for years, so I put in another bed and slept in there with him. I’ve never met a man that was so scared to sleep in his own bed that he needed his mom in there, he’ll only need me to that extent for so long, and I’m more than happy provide whatever comfort he needs while he still needs/wants it.
I was so happy for you when you found out you were having a boy. My son is my best friend. I stay home with him, and also homeschool him (the schools around here are shit and the only private schools are religious..not much choice in the matter), so we do everything together. I’m sure I’m turning into a complete mama’s boy, but that’s fine by me..haha.
Mama’s boys are alright by me.
In fact, Batman is talking to his mom on the phone in the other room right now, filling her in on every baby detail. And just hearing him in the background talking to his mom quietly so as not to wake the baby sleeping on his chest kind of warms my heart. Jesus, these hormones are kicking my ass.
Congratulations, T., Batman, and Little N.! What a joy. Take good care of yourself as you heal, and enjoy these first golden days with the precious, new boy. Sending love and positive energy your way!
congratulations!
Congratulations! Mazel Tov! Like Jen & everyone above – I’m so happy for you & look forward to reading your posts & listening to you on the AC podcast. I love your baby’s name too!
T, Congratulations!!!! The name is perfect! My mother-in-law, who has 6 children, always says, “Don’t worry, the name will come with the baby.”
Reading what you have written so far brought tears to my eyes and snapped me right back to when I brought my son home 4 years ago. Before he arrived I would sit in the rocker in his room (every day toward the end) and daydream about what it would be like to have him on the outside. The first thing I did when we got home was take him to his room and rock him and bawl my head off! I asked myself, how did I get to be so lucky? I was truely awestruck by this little being.
Four years later, plus an equally amazing baby girl along the way – she’s 2 now, I still can’t believe that I get to be someone’s mom. I still feel so lucky!
Everyone will tell you this, but it is so true – enjoy every single minute, soak it in, because it goes by SO fast.
Best wishes to you and your little family!!! Can’t wait to hear you back on the podcast!
ps: Did you look up at the light? : )
Congrats! Such a beautiful birth story! Here’s to Nathaniel keeping the “chunky monkey” status for some time.
Congratulations T! Your baby is adorable, from what I can see in the picture. I had my second baby three months ago and I know what you mean about the smell. There is nothing as sweet as the smell of your baby. As a mother and an avid fan of the written word, I look forward to your future blogs. Please please keep writing about your experiences.
Also, not to be gross, but I was soo stressed out about the first bowel movement and it turned out to be not painful at all (and I had a vaginal birth). Ahhh, the joys of giving birth.
PPS I am so glad you are breastfeeding! Keep at it!
I’m so completely ecstatic for you!! I found out three days before my little one spontaneously started labor that she was ass-backwards too. I too endured a c-section and didn’t have a very pleasant time with it. You’re a total rock star for getting through it all and smiling all the way! I’m so happy for you and your new family!!! CONGRATS!!
Oh, and PS…the first poop SUUUUUUUUUUCKKKSS! ;o)
Congrats T and Batman!! You guys are parents! You have a SON, and even though I don’t know you, I am so happy for you and am grinning as I type this. I know that you have an awesome husband, Teresa, but please make sure you guys are getting plenty of help during this time. Perhaps a postpartum doula or a housekeeper or is there family you’d actually like to be around? Let your body heal and feed the baby and that is IT.
Blessings to the three of you!
Krista
Congratulations to you, Batman and Buster!!! Reading this post has made me smile. I met you at Adam Carolla’s Shakesbeer, at that time I was a couple weeks pregnant but didn’t know it (sorry little guy for all the wine and cigarettes I consumed that day). Before I knew I was pregnant, I would read your blog and your fears that you had. Never did I think that I would have the same fears. At every OB visit, I convince myself that there will no longer be a heart beat or that the OB will find something wrong. Thank you for writing your blog, it has already helped me get through half of my pregnancy. I love your humor and how real you are (even if it isn’t pleasant =). I will miss your weekly podcasts with Adam!
Congratulations! I’ve been checking your blog to see if you had delivered and today you posted. Both of my children were c – section and couldn’t be avoided – you will recover sooner than you think as long as you don’t BLT. The swelling will go down as well, with all the drugs in your system… I love the name; he is precious, I teared up while reading your account of his birth; he’s a chunky monkey is adorable. When my daughter was born the doctor said “oh she’s got some meat on her” well i was definitely eating for two. Best wishes to all three of you. Take care.