Nathaniel James
With my son. Just wanted to type that.
He was known as Frank Breech, but after a C-Section and a few days of toiling over his official name, Frank “Buster” Breech became Nathaniel James.
He was born 7.7 pounds, and when he came out, he looked purple like a bunch of grapes held up at a Sunday farmer’s market. I don’t know who it was – a doctor, a nurse, the anesthesiologist, someone announced, “He’s a chunky monkey” and I’ve never been more excited to hear the first fat joke about my son. I knew no one would be joking if he didn’t have all of his fingers and toes and appear to be in good working order. You don’t start rhyming and referencing Ben n’ Jerry’s flavors when things are going awry. Even someone with a spinal block, restraints and a nasty case of Hebrew panic knows this on some visceral level. Especially, maybe.
To say I’ve never been more relieved is such an understatement it’s kind of a shame; I should probably not be allowed to write until I can actually pass a reasonable stool. Maybe normal movement of one’s colon is critical to self-expression not involving lame cliches and semi-obvious declarations. Please, humor me until the Colace and prune juice kick in.
So, after he was pronounced a chunky monkey, and the doctor said, “He was definitely breech … and definitely a boy …” (guess he presented with a big rump and typically swollen baby balls) I started bawling right there on the table, tears pooling around my oxygen mask, trying not to choke on snot and shock and the weird mucus that collects when you’re on your back and pregnant. Until the second they brought him over to me and let me kiss his goopy, red face, I was convinced that setting up a crib, and buying a rug for his nursery and occasionally imagining he would be okay would all have cursed him, and that I would never, ever be lucky enough to get a real live healthy baby.
No matter how many tests told me otherwise and how often I saw his heartbeat, even moments before they removed him and I could hear his heart thudding steady and strong on the fetal heart monitor, I was sure this was all a big mistake and that something would be wrong and everyone had missed it.
All that being said - and I promise to say more once I’m back in business – this C-Section was gnarly. I know some people find them easy, I am not one of those people.
The recovery was and is more difficult than I imagined, the surgery was terrifying and maybe this is just me, but I think I even caught a 24-hour bout of PTSD.
And I’m glad no one really gave me the nuts and bolts of the C, because it would have freaked my shit out. So I feel funny saying too much if anyone has one of these on the horizon, because you will be fine. Again, more to come, but I’m just so grateful to those of you who have followed this blog and sent your well wishes that I wanted to let you know that baby, mom and dad are doing great. Dad has changed every diaper and burped every burp because though I’m up to breast feeding the little guy, I can’t do much else with breaking doctor’s orders to avoid BLT: bending, lifting and twisting.
I’m yammering.
Sometimes it’s kind of nice to find yourself living a cliche, deliriously happy and deliriously tired mom. That’s me. Mom. I’m someone’s mom. He is my son.
For someone who wasn’t baby crazy, who didn’t really get babies at all, I do all the disgusting things like smell his head and take pictures of him incessantly and become convinced that I’m not biased at all, but that my baby actually is extra adorable with fantastic hair.
It’s my first day out of the hospital and like I said, I’m feeling pretty wrecked. Haven’t even had a chance to check out my new slice but I have run my fingers over it and I will tell you, they need a little extra room to remove the frank breech types. Seems about five inches or so. I’m okay with it, I just don’t want to look. And I still appear almost as pregnant as when I went in there. And my legs are swollen. On and on. Hard to wrap up this post which as far as prose goes is kind of a disaster. Time for a feeding, and yes, time for the boy to exploit me, as I have been doing him for the last six months.
Again, thanks for all of your kind words and well wishes and more than that, all of your very specific advice and recollections from everything to car seats to nipple pads to latching to morning sickness.
I read every single thing you wrote, and I often took your counsel and many times I dragged my husband over to read what you posted, because I was touched or consoled, because your experience was just like mine, and that made me feel less lonely. And I know that the sensations I’m having now, the baby “high” and the rubbing his velvety arms and the crying cause I can’t poop or sleep and the sad sack thoughts when I catch my bloated reflection and the surreal smacking myself over being his mom, and him not being in my stomach anymore, but instead sitting there in his bouncy seat, I know this has all been said and done and felt. Maybe by you. Instead of that taking away from its value, today, somehow it seems to add to it. Instead of scoffing at the human experience, I’m just giving in.
There aren’t that many main courses on the menu in this life, when it comes to the big experiences.
So, despite wanting to be terminally unique, at some point you order the chicken or the steak. Maybe the surf and turf. Because there are only so many dinners available at the cosmic table. The real comfort, and the big bombshell, isn’t how I felt too good to have what the rest of you were having, but not good enough. And here I am with my baby, like a billion and a half mothers before me, and we all want to hear that our children are chunky monkeys, and that we are not, and that’s where I find magic where I least expected it, right in the hackiness. There aren’t many offerings for dessert, either, and that’s the sweetest part, that we’re all telling the same stories and scooping our cold spoon into one infinite pint.
Sign seen on T’s V… “Entrance Only…for now”.
Congratulations! I am so happy for you that your son is here happy and healthy. I’ve been following your blog as a fellow pregnant mom and had my son August 6th. Thank you for being refreshingly honest about the pregnancy path you took. I hope you continue to share with us your stories about being a new mom.
Congrats, Teresa! You must be in so much love with your little one! I know I’m just a faceless, random internet creeper, but I think you are going to be an amazing mother. Best wishes to you and your family.
Oh Teresa I am so happy for you!! I cried when I read what you wrote. I had 3 boys (all by C-Section – I remember the doctor telling me not to worry cause Ethell Kennedy had all her kids that way – shit!) during the 70s and for some reason what you wrote brought back so much of the emotion and excitement of becoming a mom for the first time. It’s a wonderful calling and it has taught me so much about the Wheel of Life. Much love to you Teresa and I can’t wait to hear you again on Adam’s podcast!
I am so, so happy for you, Teresa. Tears falling, and I don’t think it is just PMS. You are an inspiration for me, at 33 years old and clock ticking louder than ever, that I can have it all: an adventurous life (got it), a successful career (working on it), and a husband and family (it can happen! It really can!). I miss you on the radio, but I love that your life is falling into place in other ways. Mazel Tov!
–Samara
Congratulations Teresa! I am so happy for your new healthy baby! Can’t wait to hear all about it on the podcast!
Congrats T! I am so happy for you. Your little guy is perfect! You will be a great mom.
I had the same experience about not being able to poop…but no fear, just have some Colace and Prune juice and you’ll be good to go.
Congratulations! I too had a C section and my son was born 9/20/09. You and I are totally in sink!
I’m kinda dealing with postpartum weepiness….it’s pretty annoying, it always starts around 5 and lasts until 7 or 8. I hate it….but trying to deal with it. Hopefully yours won’t be bad.
Hope all is well!
-Adrienne
Congratulations!!
Congratulations Teresa and Daniel!!! I’ve been following your blog since the beginning. Reading this latest post left me in tears. To hear how happy that little guy has made you is wonderful! I’m trying to get pregnant for the first time currently, and hearing your beautiful words makes me even more excited for my own future baby. Congrats again! You deserve it so much!
Congratulations on your new baby boy! The name you picked is a definite winner. Distinguished, but not snooty. Sounds like a kid who’s not really a jock, not a nerd, but liked by all. Nathaniel might be class president, or maybe he’ll follow in mom’s footsteps and write for the school paper.
Thank you so much for writing about your experience. I started reading your blog because I was a fan of the radio show, and I needed my T fix. Then I found out I was pregnant. Now, at 14 weeks, I re-read the older posts just to convince myself that my prenatal neuroticism is ok. I feel so reassured that after all the irrational crying and incessant “jewgling”, you ended up with a healthy, beautiful child. Reminds me to keep my eyes on the prize. Thanks, Mama!
I was at my most neurotic right around 14 weeks, so I feel your emotional pain. Hang in there. Massive odds in your favor for a healthy, happy baby. Just take your Folic Acid with some cheese fries and you will be great. Sending you warm wishes.
Hi Teresa, Congratulations to you and your husband. I have to say although it’s my first time posting, I’ve followed your blog from the begining of your pregnancy and I just want to thank you for sharing all the wonderful and not so fun moments of pregnancy. My husband and I have a 4 month beautiful girl and like yourself our biggest fear was not knowing what to do once the baby arrived and as you’ll find out, it all comes natural. I know you’ll be a wonderful mother and all the pains and discomforts you’re having right now will be wiped away with every smile and all the joy tha beautiful Nathaniel will bring you. Congratulations!!
Congrats on your gorgeous boy!!
My husband and I always said smelling our sons head smelled like a delicious sugar cookie that you could never get enough of. He’s 3 yrs old and I still can’t stop smelling his head…not sugar cookie, but still just as delicious:)
Enjoy every sprouting eyelash and kiss those starfish fingers over and over.
Congratulations! Couldn’t be happier for you. Looking forward to hearing all about it on a future podcast!
T,
Congratulations on your beautiful baby boy! The name is wonderful.
I’ve really enjoyed reading your blog, tweets, hearing you on Adam’s show, and overall living vicariously through you. In your own neurotic and humorous way, you’ve really been an inspiration to me.
My husband and I have been trying for about a year to get pregnant, and I never thought at 27 I’d be experiencing infertility. Monday I found out I have a cyst, so now I’m back on birth control for a while instead of continuing with infertility drugs. That backslide did a number on my positive outlook, let me tell you.
Like you, I find myself constantly having doubts about my ability to carry a healthy, normal child. But through your experiences and self-doubts you’ve shown me how to push through it and, for crying out loud, maybe trust that the universe will realize my husband and I are nice people who deserve a baby. If that fails, I’ll heed Adam’s advice to you and lose my job, get divorced, and pick up a nasty vice. Then I’ll be sure to get knocked up!
Wishing you all the best with motherhood. I always loved Adam’s perspective that if you are burning the calories to wonder if you are ready to be a parent, you 100% are. That’s how I know you’ll be a great mother.
Funny how Adam turned my neuroses into a positive, but it sort of makes sense and the same applies to you.
You are so young and I know it’s got to be frustrating, but I know there is a baby in your future despite the backslide.
Positive outlooks are like sundaes, if you always had one, it would be disgusting.
t
Thanks for your kind words. You made my day. Looking forward to reading/hearing about the next chapter of your life. You rock!
Congrats! I have been checking your site to see if there were any updates, hadn’t heard you on carolla for a while so I was hoping things went well. Glad to hear that they did! Reading brings me back 9 months to when my son was born. In nine months from now you will be amazed at how many things have changed. And I can’t wait to read about them!
Congrats Teresa!!! Finally you won’t feel so bad when someone with a child like brain snores through your news reads
Congratulations!! He’s adorable!
Congrats! Everything you described regarding how you are feeling physically and emotionally is exactly how I felt and went through. Got a little teary reading it. It feels like it was yesterday, not 12 years ago for me. Relax, don’t stress and enjoy your little guy. The fun begins! Best wishes.
YAYY!!! Congratulations Mama. Awesome. Love love love the name. Your story brought tears to my eyes as I too felt such an overwhelming sense of relief when my first was born and everything was actually ok. Joy instantly followed when the reality set in that yes, this baby is healthy….and mine! Of course the joy was followed by exhaustion, frustration, and terror (that I would do something horribly wrong)…but it’s all good in the end. Enjoy this ‘special’ (maybe unique is a better word) time. The infant stage seems to drag on forever when you just want to go out to dinner or have a kid that can run around with other kids, but after it’s gone you realize how quickly it went and how precious it was. Congratulations again.
Hold Fast! Bryan is a’poopin’ and you will soon be too!
Good Luck!
I am very happy for you. ALL 3 of you. Love the name.
45 year old non child bearing person.
love and hugs, Monica
congrats! i’m so happy for you, great name. i’ve loved reading your blog — totally made this whole pregnancy thing a little easier to endure! i still have 6 weeks before my due date…
congratulations teresa and family…may the adventure in parenthood now begin
T, I’m a 63 year old dude who’s been following you’re beauty and wit since Adams morning show days.
The best Adam Carolla radio shows and podcasts are when you are the co-host.
If I had the writing skills you have, I could better express my self,so here goes.
I just read Mathaniel James” at Expoiting my baby”. It brought tears to my eyes for you to experience the unbridled joy and anxiety of birthing your son.
Is this not the essence of life. To make a difference in someones life.
If in real life you are anything like the T we here on the radio and podcasts, you’ll be a fine mom. Don’t worry, Be happy.
Going to work in the morning, hearing you and Adam on the radio and now Podcasts has added to my life.
Be well and prosper,
Jim
Teresa – this is so sweet and touching. Smell away.
I wonder if he will follow around Uncle Adam or Grandpa wanting to touch and play with the shiny tools in the tool chest?
This is by far my favorite post of yours… I am not one to comment on blogs – I prefer to enjoy from afar. But today, I feel so much a part of your experience that I wanted to participate in some small way. The honesty, joy, and love that is dripping from your cliche posting are the most human emotions I have felt through anyone’s writing in a long time.
I have enjoyed your blog immensly as I am preparing for the birth of my first child in December, and have experienced the same sensation of this all being a big, horrible, mean, joke on me over and over again. I am extraordinarily comforted by your story and your reality. Congratulations and best of luck with your new role as mother.
I hope to continue hearing more about your experiences as we begin raising our little ones. You will do a fabulous job!
Typing through tears. Some for you and the joy you are having. Some for me and my own similar feelings about the wonder of being a parent. It sometimes gets tough, but never gets old. Great choice on the name. Congrats to all three of you!
Congrats to you and your newest addition to your family, T! I like the name too. It’s not horribly f-ed out, but it’s a good solid name. Plus it gives him the opportunity to be “Nate” to his friends and family, and “Mr. Nathaniel Wojohowitz” or “Dr. Nathan Wojohowitz” when he’s an attorney or doctor.
I’ve been following your tweets and blog posts closely, and thinking about your C-section a lot lately. My fiance recently had to have an ovarian cyst surgically removed, and even though it wasn’t nearly as invasive as a C-section, the recovery has been tough on both of us. I can only imagine the difficulties of being a new mother and recovering at the same time.
Her ovarian cyst has basically fast forwarded our plans for a family by a few years, which I’ve been nervous about, but I have to thank you for the narrative of your experience. Having observed parts of your life via the radio show, podcast, your blog, and via twitter, I’ve followed you from crying-on-the-radio single girl, to awesome mom in just a few years. You did it, so I can do it too (though I’ll be a dad, not a mom
).
Thank you, T, and I wish you a speedy recovery, and congratulations again to you and Batman on your new family.
Adam -
Wishing you and your fiance the best. And saying “Dr. Nathan Wojohowitz” to myself a time or two. You’re right. Sounds pretty good.
T
Congratulations T… I’m so happy for you. Much love to you and your little Chunky Monkey!
Congratulations! Your baby is beautiful, you are beautiful, and your story is beautiful. Thank you for sharing, and enjoy your new, sweet, chubby bundle of joy.
I was soo excited to hear that you had your sweet little guy! He is so adorable, and I *love* the name you picked! Enjoy every moment..even the ones that happen at 2:30 a.m.
Congratulations!!
100!! =)
Long time fan, first time comment. I want to let you know (like the other 99) that I am SO happy for you and Batman. Congratulations and I wish the best for you. Whether you want to believe it or not, you are great at what you do… so being a great mom will be a piece of cake! Not saying it will be easy, mind you, only that you will be just fine.
Enjoy every minute with Nathaniel (because they do change so fast) but please do keep us in the loop too (because as you can see, you have a lot of people rooting for you!)
All the best!
beautiful…..your writing, your new son, & you.
p.s. my 3rd, breech as well. I barfed & started passing out during the surgery. Girl, I got your number. C’s suck.
Congratulations, T!
Congrats to T, Buster and the Polish sausage. Now tell Adam and Donny to come to your place to record a podcast so you don’t need to BLT. Us podcasters all miss you! At least Ace cant say that you crapped the kid out after a C section but I am sure he will come up with something even less tactful yet somehow make it sound sweet.
First of all, congrats. There’s nothing in the world like these moments you are experiencing now.
Secondly, in a post about your baby being Frank Breech I told you to go ahead and prepare for the c-section because “It’s not that bad”. That was a lie, but I did’t want to scare you. My two c-sections were the two most horrible and terrifying experiences of my life. But going in there scared just makes it worse. I’m glad everything ok and little Nate is healthy.
CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!
First, mazel tov!!! Secondly, you are wonderful and I am so happy for you. Your posts, along with the thoughts of my yesterday, bring me tears of remembered joys. Literally, I’m welling up. I know very well, that feeling of relief. He’s out and ok and you can breathe again. You made him, with your body, a whole new person and he’s all yours. It’s the only time; the word miracle has been a part of my vocabulary. Although my son is 9 years old now, it feels like just yesterday he was brand new. That’s when I discovered the world’s most amazing smell- my son’s forehead. Even while breast feeding and always without control, I would bend my neck into unnatural positions, just to get another hit. It’s a drug. Olfactory delivered valium for mom. Instantly I was hooked and that’s how they getcha’. I am so happy for you and now you get to enjoy what comes next.
PS.Thank you for exploiting your baby.
Teresa, congratulations. Welcome to motherhood! you will do just fine! Enjoy the special bonding time with him now… sleep when he sleeps. they grow up very fast.
Congratulations on the healthy baby!
Congrats! You’ll be a great Mama!
Congrats!
Congratulations Baby Mama! So happy for you! Not to sound too Hallmark-y but really I hope the best for you and your little Nathaniel James… Can’t wait to see the pictures of him in his Robin costume! (Halloween’s around the corner!)
All the best!
Congratulations!!! Beautiful beyond words. You are going to be A Cool Mom, for sure.
XOXO
Congratulations – and I really love the name!! Looking forward to hearing your thoughts as you navigate the coming months of first-time mommyhood.
ps* I’m really, really not trying to scare you…but (at least in my case) the first bowel movement post-surgery was way worse than the c-section recovery. And, on a brighter note, I thought my second c-section was way easier to handle than the first…I totally hear you on the temporary PTSD!!
Wow I guess I have to post comment 93. It’s hard to allow myself to feel that I especially adore you and am more happy for you than anyone but I am feeling it anyway. To heck with the 92 previous posters; I am your biggest fan.
Nathaniel is beautiful as are you. I look forward to hearing all about him and his wonderful accomplishments. First smile, first laugh, first attempts at making non crying sounds, first grasp of a toy………
Congratulations!!!!
Congratulations to you both! He’s finally here!!
Oh, swell, I needed this today. I was already weeping, but now at least they get to be tears of shared experience rather than anxiety – I’m going back to work a week from today after time at home with my new baby and bigger kids. I think you have it pretty good – I imagine you can blog and write articles and even host misc stuff without putting your kid in someone elses care…or maybe not. Anyway, I know it’s going to be okay, it always is, but I’m emotional. Congratulations~ Are you going to call him Nate or stick with the formal Nathanial? That name belongs to a frontiersman. I bet he’s gonna chop the crap out of some wood when he gets older.
Congratulations!!! So glad to hear everyone is doing well
Can’t wait to read more posts about your adventure!