Nathaniel James
With my son. Just wanted to type that.
He was known as Frank Breech, but after a C-Section and a few days of toiling over his official name, Frank “Buster” Breech became Nathaniel James.
He was born 7.7 pounds, and when he came out, he looked purple like a bunch of grapes held up at a Sunday farmer’s market. I don’t know who it was – a doctor, a nurse, the anesthesiologist, someone announced, “He’s a chunky monkey” and I’ve never been more excited to hear the first fat joke about my son. I knew no one would be joking if he didn’t have all of his fingers and toes and appear to be in good working order. You don’t start rhyming and referencing Ben n’ Jerry’s flavors when things are going awry. Even someone with a spinal block, restraints and a nasty case of Hebrew panic knows this on some visceral level. Especially, maybe.
To say I’ve never been more relieved is such an understatement it’s kind of a shame; I should probably not be allowed to write until I can actually pass a reasonable stool. Maybe normal movement of one’s colon is critical to self-expression not involving lame cliches and semi-obvious declarations. Please, humor me until the Colace and prune juice kick in.
So, after he was pronounced a chunky monkey, and the doctor said, “He was definitely breech … and definitely a boy …” (guess he presented with a big rump and typically swollen baby balls) I started bawling right there on the table, tears pooling around my oxygen mask, trying not to choke on snot and shock and the weird mucus that collects when you’re on your back and pregnant. Until the second they brought him over to me and let me kiss his goopy, red face, I was convinced that setting up a crib, and buying a rug for his nursery and occasionally imagining he would be okay would all have cursed him, and that I would never, ever be lucky enough to get a real live healthy baby.
No matter how many tests told me otherwise and how often I saw his heartbeat, even moments before they removed him and I could hear his heart thudding steady and strong on the fetal heart monitor, I was sure this was all a big mistake and that something would be wrong and everyone had missed it.
All that being said - and I promise to say more once I’m back in business – this C-Section was gnarly. I know some people find them easy, I am not one of those people.
The recovery was and is more difficult than I imagined, the surgery was terrifying and maybe this is just me, but I think I even caught a 24-hour bout of PTSD.
And I’m glad no one really gave me the nuts and bolts of the C, because it would have freaked my shit out. So I feel funny saying too much if anyone has one of these on the horizon, because you will be fine. Again, more to come, but I’m just so grateful to those of you who have followed this blog and sent your well wishes that I wanted to let you know that baby, mom and dad are doing great. Dad has changed every diaper and burped every burp because though I’m up to breast feeding the little guy, I can’t do much else with breaking doctor’s orders to avoid BLT: bending, lifting and twisting.
I’m yammering.
Sometimes it’s kind of nice to find yourself living a cliche, deliriously happy and deliriously tired mom. That’s me. Mom. I’m someone’s mom. He is my son.
For someone who wasn’t baby crazy, who didn’t really get babies at all, I do all the disgusting things like smell his head and take pictures of him incessantly and become convinced that I’m not biased at all, but that my baby actually is extra adorable with fantastic hair.
It’s my first day out of the hospital and like I said, I’m feeling pretty wrecked. Haven’t even had a chance to check out my new slice but I have run my fingers over it and I will tell you, they need a little extra room to remove the frank breech types. Seems about five inches or so. I’m okay with it, I just don’t want to look. And I still appear almost as pregnant as when I went in there. And my legs are swollen. On and on. Hard to wrap up this post which as far as prose goes is kind of a disaster. Time for a feeding, and yes, time for the boy to exploit me, as I have been doing him for the last six months.
Again, thanks for all of your kind words and well wishes and more than that, all of your very specific advice and recollections from everything to car seats to nipple pads to latching to morning sickness.
I read every single thing you wrote, and I often took your counsel and many times I dragged my husband over to read what you posted, because I was touched or consoled, because your experience was just like mine, and that made me feel less lonely. And I know that the sensations I’m having now, the baby “high” and the rubbing his velvety arms and the crying cause I can’t poop or sleep and the sad sack thoughts when I catch my bloated reflection and the surreal smacking myself over being his mom, and him not being in my stomach anymore, but instead sitting there in his bouncy seat, I know this has all been said and done and felt. Maybe by you. Instead of that taking away from its value, today, somehow it seems to add to it. Instead of scoffing at the human experience, I’m just giving in.
There aren’t that many main courses on the menu in this life, when it comes to the big experiences.
So, despite wanting to be terminally unique, at some point you order the chicken or the steak. Maybe the surf and turf. Because there are only so many dinners available at the cosmic table. The real comfort, and the big bombshell, isn’t how I felt too good to have what the rest of you were having, but not good enough. And here I am with my baby, like a billion and a half mothers before me, and we all want to hear that our children are chunky monkeys, and that we are not, and that’s where I find magic where I least expected it, right in the hackiness. There aren’t many offerings for dessert, either, and that’s the sweetest part, that we’re all telling the same stories and scooping our cold spoon into one infinite pint.
Congrats T and family! I’m so happy for you and have loved reading your blog. I can’t wait to hear what you write about during the ‘rearing child’ phase. I’ve said this before, but I really wish that I was at a point in my life where I was pregnant along with you, freaking out along the way. Just know that when I am, I will have saved your blog and be emailing you with my freakouts incessently. You may have to get a restraining order. Prepare yourself.
Congrats again!
Congrats T! Love the name you guys picked and your son is beautiful. You deserve every moment of happiness!
Excellent post! I am 24 weeks pregnant with my first child and it brought tears to my eyes. I have been following your pregnancy since you announced it on the show and I couldn’t be happier for you! I feel exactly the same way as you, that no matter how many times you hear the heartbeat or have the doctor tell you everything is great, you are thinking that something is wrong that everyone has missed. I am so happy for you and your baby boy – Congratulations!
Happy Birthday Nathaniel! Great job Teresa!
I loved hearing your update and glad to hear that everything is well. Reading your blog brings back many memories…my son (now 11 years old) was breech as well and I remember the operating room being a bit scary, all that tugging and pulling to get him out, how weird it was to have the doctors and nurses operate on me while I was awake. Then, going home and being so swollen/puffy, fat, dirty, in pain, and feeling like UGH! Don’t be too hard on yourself, it does get better!
Also, the breastfeeding was challenging and emotional. It ‘hurt’ and I kept remembering how the nurses said ‘if it hurts you’re not doing it right’ and how stressful it all was. What the heck?!?!? But, with the support of my husband, I was able to get through the pain of it all. But honestly, I wanted to quit nursing during the first couple of weeks, it was SO hard and painful! So, please hang in there. Oh yeah, keep taking those stool softeners (take extra if you need to).
Best wishes to you. I know you’re going to be a great mom, there is no doubt about it!
I miss hearing your voice on Adam’s podcast, it’s just not the same without you!
Love, Ramie
LOVE YOU T! Mazel Tov again and enjoy every minute of your baby! It truly is the best thing in the whole wide world.
xox
CONGRATULATIONS, MAMA!!!!
I had a C-section as well, and I would have freaked out over the details too. As soon as I heard my baby Grant cry, I burst into tears, and I thought he had the most beautiful purple smurf head ever when the doc popped him over the curtain. The whole preggo experience was over – it was so cathartic, especially knowing I could comfortably, and without harming anyone, sleep on my back again!
Don’t worry. Your extra pounds will melt off. Unfortunately the extra belly will take some work later once your doc clears you for exercise, but for now, just work those transitional clothes like the goddess you are! And let EVERYONE do EVERYTHING for you the first couple weeks. I had trouble standing – not even moving, just standing – after 5 minutes.
And your baby IS a chunky monkey, and he IS the cutest baby on the planet! That’s the only reason we continue to procreate. Imagine what the world would be like if moms and dads didn’t instantly fall in love with their babies…It would be one lonely, yet really clean, place.
Congrats! And thanks for taking us along for the ride…
Congratulations T! I’ve been checking your website everyday since last Friday awaiting your joyous news. Doesn’t all the nausea, heartburn, insomnia, etc seem worth it? You are going to be a wonderful mother.
Your post brought tears to my eyes. Cherish every moment with your son. You can never love him too much, so kiss him and hold him to your heart’s content. And try to get some rest. I look forward to reading future posts about your journey as a new mother.
Congratulations! Enjoy these blissful, magical days of getting to know your son. I’m 18 weeks preggo myself and looking forward to meeting my baby early next year.
Oh T!
Thank you so much for sharing your wonderful news with all of us. Your post was hard to read through my tears for sure. I am 22 weeks pregnant myself and have been on bed rest for the last month. Your posts have definitely cheered me and my “imcompetent” cervix right up
)
Loved me some T.
Way to go T! Glad you and (not so) little baby Nate are doing well. Too early for the nickname?
Isn’t it nice when we worst-case-scenario types actually have things work out well. We enjoy it twice as much as most.
Take care.
Congratulations and beautifully written.
Teresa – That was just beautiful.
Enjoy it all, take it all in – no matter how many times it’s been done before, it’s never been done by you and you deserve to revel in every mundane, exhilarating, obsessive, disgusting, joyful and constipated moment.
Be Well – Congrats – Mazel Tov
Mazel tov!
Has he met the mohel yet? My sister’s did last week and only cried when the diaper came off, then he was fine. He had a fantastic mohel with steady and QUICK hands and the baby’s father poured a whole lot of wine (it was actually Manischewitz) down the kid’s gullet (in reality it was slowly dripped into his mouth from a piece of soaked gauze that the baby was supposed to suck on, lest readers take my exaggeration literally). The kid slept through most of it and for hours after. Had to be woken for feeding. I like to think that my late grandfather (from whom he got one of his names) being a mohel had something to do with him being a champ.
Not that there’s anything wrong with your boy if he cries more. Get him good and drunk, then he’ll pass out.
Also, if you don’t want everyone holding the baby at the party – any party, really – get one of those slings that hide him well – I’d link to a family photo but don’t want that on someone else’s blog where hundreds can see it – when you carry him and inform close family members that only they’re allowed to hold them and that they shouldn’t let anyone else. Set boundaries.
Babies don’t need to be passed around like that girl you used to know (or like a joint at a party – depending on which simile you prefer). I’m sure you are already, but make people wash their hands before they hold the little guy.
Maybe I shouldn’t assume that there will be a bris.
Bris tomorrow. Very nervous. It will be just us parents and my mom. My husband, not a Jew, was fine with the ceremony but didn’t think we should make a party out of it. Seemed fair. Maybe just a nosh.
L’Chaim and here’s to hoping Nate doesn’t get too traumatized by his introduction to Judaism -
T
I second what she says. I’d take the baby to the grocery store in the sling because it keeps strangers from getting too close or touching the baby. People still want to peek at the baby in the sling, but they won’t try to touch. Now that mine’s 4 months I just use the stroller and let the whole world admire her. Revel in every smile and compilment as they come because they are genuine. Strangers don’t stop you to comment if it’s not heartfelt. Congratulations! You deserve every ounce of joy he brings.
Oh Teresa I am so happy for you and Batman!! He is truely a gorgeous baby, but I’m sure you knew that already! C-sections are tough at first but you’ll be back to yourself in no time! I laughed about the colace and prune juice comment because that first bowel movement is a doozy!! I remember my husband on the other side of the door asking me if I was ok, because of all the noise on the other side of the door! I love his name also, I knew once you saw him you’d know! Congrats to all of you and Nathaniel, you are one lucky little boy to have such wonderful parents!!
T,
Congratulations! I’m so happy for you and Batman!
I am so happy for you and your husband! I can’t wait to read about the C-section. Having had one myself, I know it can be quite the experience! Like the post Gregg had earlier, I don’t know you at all, but I couldn’t be more pleased for you right now. You deserve all this happiness and love from everyone! ENJOY IT!
*crying a lil* Im so happy to read this Teresa. Thank you for sharing all of this it has made me feel super “normal”
BTW I never slept much in the first few days after my boys were born, I just couldnt but every night we made it through I relaxed a lil more and soon was able get some rest. My husband did every diaper too and when we went back to work I had to get a diaper tutorial and sometimes call him at work
My feet were the most swollen in the week after my last son was born (4 months ago Thursday) and I slept with my feet on the boppy and it helped a TON.
I love his name, LOVE it!
Congratulations Little Mama!
What a cutie (both of you!).
I know when I became a father for the first time my life had new meaning that I only understood that day. Glad to hear Batman is changing diapers, miconium is not fun.
Take care of yourself and thank you for letting us look in on your special time.
Congratulations! You made me tear up a bit. Great name!
Congratulations T and Batman!
I hope the exploitation continues until he stops being cute, because your blog posts are hilarious.
Nice work!
You’ll probably be crazy-busy now, but I hope you keep up the blog. Just think of the whole new world of baby exploitation that has just opened up to you!
I also hope to hear you on the Adam podcast again soon. Miss the estrogen and the wit.
Congratulations! I just want you to know that I received your Twitter update while I was on my honeymoon and told my new husband, “Teresa Strasser had her baby!” That’s right; I was thinking about you on my honeymoon. Again, congrats and thanks for letting all of us in.
T! So happy for you. what a cute little guy. Wishing you a speedy recovery
So happy that you have your beautiful boy! It really is amazing the way things work out. I feel very thankful to you for sharing your experience. I’m sure it will help me and my wife when we go through this in the next couple years.
Congratulations! He is beautiful!! (from an unbiased perspective) I hope you’re prepared for more joy than you could imagine and even more anxiety.
Congrats again and please heal quickly. As much as I love Adam his podcast is 100% better when you two are together.
Teresa – I’m so happy for you, I’m weeping a little. Congratulations and enjoy this time with your little guy.
CONGRATS! I had been lurking and reading your blog the last 2 months. I am currently 27 weeks pregnant and what you felt and wrote about your pregnancy , I truly felt it too.
I know the feeling and I love how you always manage to say ( on my behalf) what I couldn’t express inside..
“No matter how many tests told me otherwise and how often I saw his heartbeat, even moments before they removed him and I could hear his heart thudding steady and strong on the fetal heart monitor, I was sure this was all a big mistake and that something would be wrong and everyone had missed it.”
Everytime I see my sweetums on the ultrasound screen, being all active and smiling even, it is unbelievable ! I can’t wait to see my little trooper in 13 weeks!
Congrats again and hugs from Shanghai~
Wow u seemed to be pregnant forever congrats!!! He’s a cutie pie and you look so happy
Congrats, T! He is beautiful and so are you! I really like the name. Nathaniel sounds like a good solid moniker for the offspring of a Jew and a Goy. He can go by “Nate”, but I won’t be surprised if his nickname is indeed “Buster”.
Mazel Tov!
I have been a huge fan for years and have really enjoyed your blog. This is my first comment. You deserve this high your on so much…enjoy every morsel.
COngrats! Miss you and aceman and BB terribly in the mornings. been following you all here and there, listening to podcasts, reading blogs….etc etc.
so my wife and i had our 1st baby aug 31st, madeline grace is the little one’s name. my wife digs your stories, lieks to hear your opinions on stuff…i got her hooked on the radio show too, back when you guys were on.
CONGRATS again! welcome to poop/spit up/cry/feed/repeat!!!!
CONGRATULATIONS!!!!
Congratulations! Fantastic post! It has been so much fun reading your blog since I am about six weeks behind you in pregnancy. I loved you on Adam Carolla and miss you in the mornings! Thanks for all your humor and insight on this crazy experience.
He is gorgeous! Congratulations.
Now for my advice for all new moms:
Listen to the advice of other moms, but then do what feels right for you and your baby. Every mom is different and every baby is different.
Well said Teresa, well said! Congratulations. Enjoy every moment, that is until he starts talking back…that’s a whole other Oprah. For now, enjoy your moments.
You capture me everytime I read your blog. I haven’t missed a one, it is the only blog I read, I am not pregnant, I don’t have kids, and I get a little choked up just about everytime I read one of your posts.
Congratulations on little Nate (I am sure you have anticipated that he will be called that). I wish the best for you and I don’t usually wish for people I don’t know.
Good luck!
Sam
I wish you were my sister… or if I could win the lottery?… my mom.
You are not only an amazing writer who draws me in every time – you make me realize over and over again, that although none of us are perfect – A LOT of us chicks from “less than perfect families” KICK ASS, none the less.
Hugs, warm blankies and endless happiness to you and Batman and Nathaniel James.
~Pattie
Congratulations!!!! I bet all those pregnant ladies who wouldn’t let you into their little clique will be eating their hearts out that you got the best baby.
Teresa — I have enjoyed your blog so much but this was my favorite. I am so happy for you and your husband. Enjoy the ride!
Congratulations, Teresa! You look great and your baby boy is so cute. We miss you on the AC Podcast. Hope you’ll be back soon. Wishing you and your family much happiness.
Beautifully said. My twins are 6 yrs old and reading your article made me feel all post-partum and emotional again. You’re an incredible writer, and you are going to be a wonderful mother. And if you think you love him now, just wait. One of my favorite parent quotes is: “Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body.” It’ll blow your mind how much you love that little guy (and I won’t go into how it’ll blow your mind how much you’ll worry about him
). And just when you think you can’t love him any more, you do. Today, when one of my boys told me I was a butler b/c I have to make him dinner and do whatever he tells me to, then he asked why the word “butler” has the word “butt” in it, I thought about how fortunate I was to be him mom, even though he thinks I’m his servant and manages to work the words “butt” and/or “fart” into every sentence. I know you were hesitant about the whole boy thing, but they are such fun. You’re going to have a blast!
To quote Adam, “As your people would say, T, mazel tov!”
T-
I’m embarrassed to be emotional about people I’ll never meet, but it seems right that you should know there’s a milkman in Pittsburgh who applauded when you were picked for Ace’s news, who swore out loud when the radio show was cancelled, who cheered and blew the air horn when you announced your pregnancy, and who had to wipe his eyes upon reading the last paragraph of this post. Enjoy your family.
GOT to get it on.
Gregg -
My hormones just GOT IT ON. That was so beautiful. I don’t deserve you.
T
Congratulations, T.
Still like buster.
Your tale reminds me of my first.
7lbs 7 oz on 12/12.
And mine although not c-section was also purple.
Right from my wife’s couch to her belly. An alien perhaps?
She’s gone now. Died of a brain tumor 4 years ago. Cherish each day.
Love the smell of that baby head.
Hope your bald friend s well.
Congratulations! Glad to read that he was healthy and that you are doing well.
I’m so excited for you! Congratulations. Love the name.
Just in case no one has told you: you may swell more in the next week or so than you did in all your pregnancy, it’s normal. I freaked out when two days after I came home I was all swollen and huge. Called a nurse. She explained and I felt stupid for this being my 3rd one and I had no idea &/or had apparently forgotten.
Look forward to more updates & maybe more pictures.
Congrats! I just saw it on the feed. I was scrolling through my rss subscriptions and saw Nathaniel James and was like awesome T had her baby! My wife said who? I replied with an incredulous tone: “Teresa Strasser!”
Great name choice by the way, has a real good flow. It works with my name test. The first and middle name followed by godammit! For instance my son’s name is Fionn (Fin) and his middle name is Kaikea. Fionn Kaikea GODAMMIT!
Nathaniel James GODAMMIT! Works great!
Congrats and get some sleep!
What a great post! And I have to tell you I have 3 kids and every birth experience is as special as the next. And they grow up too fast so just take your time and let him be as little as long as he can. One day you will wake up and they will be all grown up and then like me you stare at them in disbelief that time has gone by way too fast. Congrats and I can’t wait to hear your next podcast with Adam!!