No worse than drinking formula.
Here’s what you need to know about exclusively breast fed babies: they can levitate.
That’s what I learned last night during a three-hour breast-feeding class.
They also have x-ray vision, are immune to disease, are more likely to win Nobel Prizes, recycle, live meaningful lives, understand James Joyce, love fully, donate to NPR pledge drives, stop to help distressed motorists, appreciate Rachmaninoff, have high credit scores and get appointed to important government posts. Oh, and breastfed babies live forever. The science on that isn’t totally in yet, but better safe than sorry.
Moreover, if you breast feed, the baby weight will melt off of you. You will evade reproductive cancers. The release of feel-good hormone oxytocin when your baby is “at your breast” will saturate your system with “delicious” feelings of attachment and contentment such as you have never experienced before. Mothers who miss out on this mommy morphine are likely to leave their babies in the middle of the road to be pecked at by turkey vultures.
Okay, that’s not totally true. Some mothers who skip this crucial biological bonding experience will simply leave their child at a fire station with $5, a bottle of formula and half a pack of Benson & Hedges Menthol Ultra Lights in a box.
A room full of us pregnant women, shifting around in uncomfortable plastic chairs and gnawing on free cookies with our husbands, were also given a stern warning: Never ever let the baby out of your sight at the hospital once it is born.
Some sleepy, overworked, well-meaning but ultimately evil nurse is going to hear it cry and give it … well, what might as well be a cocktail of lead paint, asbestos juice and Southern Comfort: FORMULA. That’s right, your precious baby’s ability to be exclusively fed at your breast, the way god and Mother Nature intended, will be forever compromised if you don’t step up with some major vagina power and tell the nurses they are NOT taking your baby out of your sight for one single second at the hospital. Once that baby gets away from you and into the hospital nursery, it’s a free for all and you can kiss your dreams of attending your child’s inauguration goodbye. Once it gets a taste of that plastic nipple and guzzles away at that easy access plastic bottle filled with borderline lethal formula, forget that child loving you, crafting you handmade cards or even sitting in your lap. If you didn’t see the movie “Nell,” you are about to live it with your jacked up, detached, sickly child.
We also learned some of the subtle differences between bottle and breast fed babies.
For one thing, babies who are bottle fed stink. They smell foul. As for breastfed tykes, their shit literally doesn’t stink, though it may be an alarming shade of black for a few days before it goes Mustard yellow.
That’s what I learned in my breast-feeding class.
On the other hand, outside of the minty green and pastel pink confines of the breast-feeding store, tucked away in an urban strip mall in East Los Angeles, in the real mom world, some of my girlfriends just didn’t take to breastfeeding. Their kids seem fine. From my unscientific sampling of moms I know who chose to bottle feed, I see no asthma, no allergies and no bonding problems with the babies. The moms lost the baby weight. I’m not sure if the kids are a ticking time bomb or if the moms are just enjoying a few years until the uterine cancer kicks in, but it seems unlikely.
So, how do you get a straight answer when everyone seems to have a horse in the breast-feeding race? Both sides seem to have massive agendas and neither appears all that interested in actual data, which makes it hard for us pregnant girls to truly understand our options. Women who chose not to breast feed need to believe they did the right thing; breast feeding advocates are unswervingly formula-intolerant.
Last night, our statuesque, red-haired, 50-something lactation consultant and teacher, impressed me with her massive knowledge of boobies and extreme comfort in discussing latching and leaking. However, when she told us about her own kids and mentioned how healthy the now-grown offspring are, she also added that one of them has a little bit of asthma, only when he runs. Wait a second, you mean this panacea doesn’t work for someone who was breastfed for two years?
“The doctors told us it would have been way, way worse if I hadn’t breast fed,” she explained.
Really?
Now that is some backward, bias data analysis if I’ve ever heard it. Look, the kid has respiratory problems and his mom is a lactation lady who did nothing but breastfeed him the “right” way for two years straight. That means one of her three children has asthma. How can these facts fit into the hypothesis that breast milk staves off breathing problems? Get our your logic shoehorn and let’s see what we can do.
I understand there was a time when women were essentially forced to bottle feed and shamed out of caring for their babies in a way that seems both natural and righteous.
There was a time when the hospital just told you what to do, yanked your baby away from you after birth and generally dismissed what we now understand to be the importance of skin-to-skin contact, etc. From where I sit, however, it seems the pendulum may have swung too far in the other direction, so that women for whom breastfeeding just doesn’t make sense or feel right are vilified as selfish, lazy, impatient baby haters. Somewhere between Little Ricky and Ricky Lake there is a more easy-going place.
Look, I’m going to give it a try, but if it doesn’t work out, or if perhaps I’m not the two-years of breast feeding kind of girl, I hope the milk of human kindness is also available in formula.
If you enjoyed this post, make sure you subscribe to my RSS feed!
Tags: boobs, breast feeding, Pregnancy
Thanks a lot, Teresa. My sides are killing me right now. That was farking hilarious. We need more humor about this subject, and thank god people like you are seeing the idiocracy (is that just a mike judge term or an actual word? I’m too lazy to look it up) in the breast vs bottle debate.
I felt the same way as you did – that there was no middle ground. So I started blogging about it. Not sure what you ended up doing as this blog was written awhile ago, but if you did end up formula feeding (and even if you didn’t), you mind find it interesting. I feel strongly that while breastfeeding can be a great thing, we have been grossly oversold the benefits, and basically guilt-tripped into it. (And I know guilt. I’m Jewish.)
It can be great, but only if it is something that a woman chooses to do regardless of the propaganda.
I was a part of the “anti-formula brigade” as well. My now 9-month-old was exclusively breastfed for 9 weeks, but my supply dwindled (largely as a result of following bad advice from a doctor), and I ended up supplementing with formula until at 4 months, my little one went to exclusive formula. Fast forward to today: my daughter is healthy, energetic, growing, and changing every day. She’s the best gift I’ve ever received, and, while I would love to have nursed exclusively until it was time for solids, it didn’t happen.
My “mother wisdom” helped me to understand that it was far better to enjoy my daughter and love motherhood than it was to stress over her food source. No, I didn’t hook her up to a siphon tube from my car’s gas tank and allow her to drink to her heart’s content, but I also didn’t starve her to death while her primary food source was drying up. The most important thing you can do for Buster is to figure out how to make the best decisions for him without driving his primary attachment and love source NUTS!
Happy mommying!
I venerate the valuable post you offer in your articles. I will bookmark your website and have my children check up here regularly. I am quite sure they will study lots of new stuff here than anybody else!
I don’t get the boob-nazi movement.
On the farm, or zoo, and with dogs and cats, not all animals are great milk producers and their babies can die. Some cows/sheep/dogs/cats produce more milk than others, some don’t. Sometimes the farmer, zoo keeper or dog breeder has to find solutions for the babies.
I don’t like that the so-called “nursing instructors” are mixing a few facts with their own opinions–hiding under the authority of the hospital or doctor’s office. (Talking about baby’s failure to bond, lower intelligence, etc.—I’d LOVE to examine the quality of the studies and strongly suspect hidden agendas.)
I run into crazy claims many times with friends going to New Age naturopaths. One friend told me that her naturopath tried to get her to stop breast-cancer chemo, that her secret blend of supplements would “cure” grayhair, that she can’t “digest sugar” of any sort (which if true, I’m surprised she’s lived beyond the embryonic-stage), and she allows herself to be “mystery” injected.
My sister had one coworker at headquarters take over their only conference room all the time with her milking-machine. She eventually got herself fired for spending hours of worktime choosing white-noise music to play for baby, and setting electronic timers to take her birth-control (REALLY).
My mom, grandmas, aunties were working mom’s, schoolteachers, and probably used formula, besides breastfeeding beyond a few months, IF At ALL. Same with all our peer teacher’s-kids. All of us mostly college grads, successful good citizens, pretty intelligent—and doing a DANG sight better than our peers with the stay-at-home-moms who most likely breastfed them longer.
How come some radio personalities like to ignore the multiple generations of successful kids coming out of working Mom’s (school teachers, nurses, etc.).
Yeah, a lot of the lactation consultants are like boob nazis. You have to ignore them and do what is right for you. I did breast feed both of my kids, both for longer than a year and I will tell you that I have never been skinnier in my life. But, my oldest kid, while not suffering from Asthma or ear infections, does pick up stomach viruses with alarming ease. So the immunities don’t stick with them forever. Also, there is NO SUCH THING as nipple confusion. Giving a newborn a bottle of formula or a pacifier will not prevent you from breastfeeding it. Both of my kids had bottles of formula when they were newborns and both ended up being exclusively breastfed for the first 6 months. Lactation consultants can be very helpful in helping you figure out good positions to hold the baby and getting a good latch, and it is really awkward and weird at first, sometimes that little bit of support helps. Otherwise, ignore the La Leche militants and do whatever works best for you.
And I never let my babies out of my sight at the hospital, but that’s because I’m paranoid about those baby switching stories that you read about.
Good luck!
Okay, so my mom fed all 10 of her kids some homemade concoction of water, evaporated milk and karo syrup. I’m certainly not pushing this, but we’re fine. None of us have allergies or asthma, we’ve never had ear infections, we’re not sickies as adults and we still love our mom. Freaks, all of us.
T, as always, hilarious.
Listen to you often on AC’s podcast. Couldnt believe with all your neurosis that you are just now warming up to the c-section idea. C sections are fabulous. I was so jealous of my friends who had them and then lo and behold, i needed one at the last minute too. it takes 15 minutes and you are done. if you are in decent shape, or were anyway, recovery is so not as hard as everyone tells you. i was back to walking/running aggressively within a few weeks. Good luck!
By about day 3 there’s a lot of milk that comes in and it hurts. If the baby isn’t drinking enough to relieve the pain, just take the nursing bra off and let the milk fountain out on its own until the oversupply is corrected. Also, use the leaf of a cabbage to wrap your breast in if one or both of them have a clogged duct, which you’ll know because you’ll probably be feverish. BTW, I know you’re a comedian and therefore exaggerate for entertainment, but to the extent that you’re actually serious about your dramas, sometimes the best thing you can do for yourself is to focus on helping someone else (your baby). If you remain self-absorbed you’re going to feel resentful of the baby. My friends would tell me the more time they spent away from their babies, the less patient they became with them. I recommend Dr. Sears books about “attachment parenting”. I might be worth listening to because my kids, now 8 and 13, are amazing – well-behaved, intelligent, talented, and disciplined.
Hi T,
Been a fan since the radio show days. I have a 10 month daughter (first baby) and I breast fed for about the first 8 weeks of her life. I tried, it hurt, I kept at it, hurt even more, and stopped. I was ostracized for starting her on formula but the self-righteous do-gooders who judged and told me I was an awful mom. My kid is fine. She’s healthy, growing too fast, and doing all this on formula. Breast feeding isn’t for everyone, those harpies who tell you otherwise can suck it! Give it a go and if it works then fantastic for you and the baby, if not, there is nothing wrong with formula. Breast feeding can be difficult on your sleep schedule too unless you’re a good pumper and your husband is willing to get up and do a feeding so you can catch a couple extra hours of sleep. Engorged/swollen breasts hurt and yes, they leak. You will soak a pad right through if you wait too long to pump. Good luck! All the best, its a fun exhausting nerve-wracking trip but its awesome.
Teresa,
I just listened to Adam’s podcast and heard the great news about having a c-section! Think of all of the things that come with any type of healing, scarring, stitches/staples, itching, etc and ask yourself a very important question: Would I rather deal with this on my crotch or stomach?
I had a c-section four years ago, and you can barely see the scar. It was a simple procedure. You also get to pick your son’s birthday, and miss the dreaded labor and lamaze breathing! Have you decided on a name?
Best of luck!
Brandie
This is good to hear, as I’m still kind of adjusting to the C-section idea, which is coming up quickly, in about a week. And still no name. Can you believe it? Yesterday, I was liking Quinn, but I’m already over it.
T
We didn’t name our daughter until 24 hours after her birth. We couldn’t decide prior (had two names in the forefront that we liked, but upon seeing her for the first time we knew they were wrong). We eventually named her Zoe, a name we had liked many months ago but rejected for being too trendy. Oh well.
I suggest waiting to take a look at your son. I’ll bet his name becomes obvious once you get a look at him. You wouldn’t think a newborn would look like any particular name, but I was surprised at how easy it was to rule some of them out.
C sections are awesome. I’ve had both and the C section was so much easier. My scar is nearly invisible and the recovery wasn’t any worse than recovery from the horrifying episiotomy I had the first time.
Wow..way too much too read and don’t know all the facts to really make an educated comment….
First with the breastfeeding… yes it is hard to get straight evidence from either side… I breastfed all my kids and was able to avoid formula all together with number 3. The best advice either way, just do your research and have lots of support. Those are really the key things. Breast milk is best but in the end…no, formula will not cause your baby any harm nor is breast milk the end all be all.
As far as the c-section, again, I don’t know the circumstances but really do weigh all the risks. It is still a major surgery. Just really read up and don’t always necessarily take what your doctor says at face value. It is really scary that the c-section rate is getting close to 40%. OF course there are medical reasons but it seems like the trend is leaning toward convience rather then medical necessity. A
Well, I just noticed that you posted like 2 weeks ago, so, whatever, you probably already had the baby by now.. haha
Theresa, I heard you mention on Adam’s podcast today, that you are considering having a c-section. Well, a few years back I was given two obvious but valuable tips: Don’t look at the surgical lamps unless you want to see what’s going on down there! Also, as hard as it may seem, try to keep a good posture after the procedure in order to ease the scaring process. It would be harder trying to stretch your back after a couple of days because the skin is already healing.
I’ve had two c-sections, and they turned out to be fast, safe, predictable and yes, Less Painful!
Best Wishes!!!
Ladies so us people a favor and do not brag about your kids.
It’s the most boring subject on earth.
Yeah we know your kids are the smartest and cutest ever born already.
What an ugly kid.
Scientific proof? How about the fact that nature itself created human beings (however you may believe it happened) with the ability to feed their young with nutritious milk from their breast. But people need scientific proof that they should use this method?
I like the fact that we as a people are so arrogant to think that we can create something man-made that works better than what nature has provided. How many man-made products get ingested and we later find out it’s really bad for us or possibly lethal? But it’s the breastfeeding that people are skeptical of. We use the chemically man-made method by default and need some sort of “evidence” that the natural way is better…
What a joke.
Hey Jiles,
While lactating mammals have been doing this since they forked out their genome from the primordial soup – the issue here is that none of the other mammals have substantially altered their own diets or their own enviroments. Human breast milk is only as good as the boobs making it and unfortunately here in the US …. well take a good look around at the local mall. Our ancesteral parents ate things that could nourish them and their offspring. We give our infants “Big Macs and curly fries” Garbage in – Garbage out. That said and true – it still makes human breast milk the top choice for the lazy and the cheap since it really requires zero effort to make milk – in fact, it takes a lot of painful effort NOT to do it initially. Teaching the little spawn to grab it can be more technical than one imagined – but still … typically even the slow spawn get the picture.
I still cannot understand the ferocity of the debate over what *someone else* wants to feed *their own* child. We don’t (typically) prance into the bedroom during conception and take notes and offer suggestions for deepest angle, most appropriate post-coital position for fertilization … it’s a none-of-our-stinkin-bizness topic. We should as a society get a say over parents who starve their children to death, leave them in dumpsters or similarly place them in merciless peril – but it seems the HEIGHT of hubris that the same fast food eating, pharmaceutical swilling, morbidly obese, artery hardened by 50 people want to scream and shout and gnash their teeth over what some poor woman feeds a kid for a year or two. Really ?? Really? Our lives are so perfect that OUR advice about nutrition and health is what we should inflict on the next generation. Gimme a break. I was glad that Teresa and Batman seemed to leave the breastfeeding class with a sane perspective. Hopefully they’ll keep it.
Sheila – I love your perspective too. I wouldn’t ever call any mom lazy or cheap and especially not a breastfeeding mom…those pumps cost around $400…and if a breastfeeding mom is pumping she is dedicating a lot of time to her child…a lot more than just throwing some formula in a bottle of water. I think that women need to do what is best for their lifestyle and they should choose what they feed to their baby, but bottom-line breast milk is the best.
Right, since people eat crap they should not use what nature provided. Maybe, they could do what’s best for the baby and change their diet when they find out they are pregnant. I know, I know, you might actually have to sacrifice for your baby???
And the my whole point was that people are looking for scientific proof that breast feeding is better. It’s not about telling someone what to do, it’s just the statement that someone needs some proof that breastfeeding is a good way to go when that’s how our bodies are designed. Why do you need proof? If it didn’t work well, humans wouldn’t exist, hence, scientific evidence.
“…it…makes human breast milk the top choice for the lazy and the cheap…”
Eff you.
Jiles – I love it! So true, but if you can’t breastfeed your baby this blog will make you feel better about yourself.
Marcia – why the bashing of the blog – I don’t think Teresa or anyone else who has posted here has implied that breastfeeding is bad. I also think you assumption that those of us who take the position that it’s none of our business how other people fed their babies are just disgruntled formula feeders, some of us have probably nursed babies waaay longer than the breast is best zealots. As for breast milk being the scientific reason for our species survival – is not a fact in evidence. We have nearly wiped out as a species many times including two times in what is considered the “recent” anthropologic timeline.
I didn’t say or imply that breastmilk is a bad thing – what I was saying is a bad thing is people thinking it’s OK to tell someone else how to be a “good” parent.
I don’t give a crap what method anyone uses. All I’m saying is: She asks for some sort of scientific data to find out which method is better. And I’m saying: The human body was made to do that, so that should be pretty good data. I don’t care how many big macs people are eating or if the woman is a crack head or about any other BS you attach to it. In a whole, the human body is design to feed it’s young. for scientific data’s sake, that’s should be pretty decent data.
Now make sure you read that 7 or 8 times really slowly so you don’t misinterpret it like everything else I’ve written.
On a completely separate topic, this statement: “That said and true – it still makes human breast milk the top choice for the lazy and the cheap” makes you a complete moron. Seriously, this is the most idiotic thing I’ve ever heard anybody say. You should really be legally banned from speaking.
And you say: ‘what I was saying is a bad thing is people thinking it’s OK to tell someone else how to be a “good” parent.” But you previously called people who breastfeed lazy and cheap.
Oh my god I wish I had a magic device that I could use to make people mute….
Jiles – you have no idea how many people would love the ability to mute others – especially the pompous who try to pass their opinions off as vetted science. I didn’t call people who breast feed lazy or cheap as a character assassination – I was simply stating an obvious fact that there is almost no physical effort to place an infant on the breast, and absent the trendy “need” for a breast pump, there are no additional costs associated with providing breast milk for a baby over what would be required for keeping the mother alive. To wit, lazy (people who don’t want additional work to do a job) and cheap(people who would rather not buy something they can get for free). Now if you can manage to crawl out of your cave to attend some formal education in the sciences – you will find out exactly how ignorant your assertion “And I’m saying: The human body was made to do that, so that should be pretty good data. I don’t care how many big macs people are eating or if the woman is a crack head or about any other BS you attach to it. In a whole, the human body is design to feed it’s young. for scientific data’s sake, that’s should be pretty decent data.” … has ANYTHING to do with science.
Jesus tits … next time you get the urge to speak, hit yourself in the head with a rock till the urge passes. Seriously.
Hi Teresa,
I heard you mention on Adam’s podcast a while back that you are going with Dr. Fleiss as your pediatrician. We have been taking our two year old daughter to him from day one and each time we see him he gives us a lovely, lengthy pep talk about breastfeeding and the importance of it. If it wasn’t for Dr. Fleiss I don’t know if I would have nursed my daughter for the 23 months that I did. She is the picture of perfect health even though both my husband and I grew up with a multitude of allergies and skin problems. Our attachment to her is nothing like either of us had with our respective mothers and she has the most amazing confidence.
Give breastfeeding a shot – but if you run in to bumps in the road really try to stick with it. I was so frustrated and discouraged the first month that I was very close to giving up. La Leche was incredibly helpful in boosting my moral as was Dr. Fleiss. Feeding your child is even more important that how well you take care of yourself while you are pregnant. You can do it and I have a feeling with you being as intelligent as you are that will realize that the sacrifices it requires as a mother are the most crucial you will make for your son.
Best of luck and enjoy!
Get a life. 23 months? Guess what Kendell, you have too much time on your hands and your child is going to be traumatized for breast feeding for so long. At 23 months, your child is old enough to be potty trained and you are still breastfeeding her? You are absurd and you give good parents like us a bad rap.
Anonymous woman – it’s time for your meds. You should know better than to go spewing on the internet before you have your correct dosage of mood stabiliers. “Good parents” keep their advice (half baked and violent or well vetted and polite) to themselves. A parent should feed their child in the manner they enjoy whether they are 23 hours or 23 months old – you’ll remember this when the meds kick in … as to the 23 month old potty training comment. You just got the entire American Psychiatric Assocation to do “the wave” and high five themselves realizing that their next generation of patients are well under-way. Some kids groove on the potty, some don’t – in the United States the *AVERAGE* age of potty training is 33 months. Do you need help with how an average is calculated ?
Deep breath anonymous.
You know Sheila, its probable that this “anonymous woman”, while anonymous, is most likey not a woman at all. Even if they are, its probably not the best idea to attack someone with the ‘take your meds’ comments. Your comments are a little venomous for someone who has some pretty good facts and sounds educated. Just a little FYI that you might want to tone down just a tad.
Hi Ginny
That’s the thing about the internet – it’s impossible to tell who is who or what is what … and I appreciate your feedback that my attempt at humor fell flat(and apologize for that) – but truthfully … I don’t think suggesting that they are a little short on mood stabilizers is any more hostile than insinuating that they aren’t the gender they claiim to be. Either way – you’re probably right that responding to the trolls of the world isn’t helpful to the regular folk who enjoy this blog.
Cheers,
Sheila
I love how “Sheila” has to be Teressa Strausser’s hero and swoop in to rebut anyone’s comments that might “hurt her feelings”
Kendell – Congratulations on breast feeding for 23 months. That is truly amazing!! It is hard work and your daughter will NOT be traumatized…she won’t even remember. She will be very thankful as she goes through life with a great foundation and loving parents!
Teresa-I am a physician in Seattle Washington and I can tell you without any doubt that I see many many more cases of colic, eczema, asthma, allergies, and constipation in babies and children raised on formula. In my practice babies who are breast fed do get sick like any other child, but they do not seem to generally get as ill and do recover more quickly.
I am also a mother of two boys and would not trade breast feeding them for anything. It is the best thing for your baby hands down.
Hi Teresa,
I just wanted to drop you a quick line to say that I think that you are a really terrific writer. One testament to the truth of this sentiment is the fact that I – a dude who is not at all within the demographic of people that you would expect to be perusing a pregnancy blog – really, truly enjoy reading all of your posts. They are witty and humorous, but also compellingly insightful.
Anyway, thanks.
I breast fed my 3 daughters each for a year. I made a promise with my first that I would give it a 6 week try. And then no harm, no foul if I hated it. And for me, breast feeding was great but it was far from easy. I had trouble all over the place and felt like the lactation consultant was my home away from home. But I hate the intolerant attitude of “breast is best”. It’s best only if it works for mommy because if you aren’t happy, no one in the house will be.
BTW, my kids never had formula and my first 2 had 5 ear infections before their 1st birthday… so don’t tell me breast feeding bolsters their immune system. In this mom’s case study, that’s bullshit.
And the dirty little secret those psycho breast feeding militants don’t tell you is for about 10% of the breast feeding population (maybe more because it goes unreported) the pounds don’t melt off. They stick like glue. It wasn’t until I weaned my babies that the pounds melted off. Not because I was gorging myself at the all-you-can-eat buffet…. simply because my body wouldn’t let those pounds melt off (and my boobs were about 10 lbs).
And yet for me, there was something truly great about breast feeding… there must have been, I did it over and over again!
girl, you do whatever makes YOU happy!!!
LOVED your blog! It was EXACTLY how I felt after attending that class! I tried BF and my milk never came in enough to be able to sustain either of my two kids. So I resorted to….the awful (or so they led me to believe) BOTTLE feeding! Ok, so my kids are probably the healthiest kids that I know. They have never had an ear infection (which is one of the ’stories’ you hear that bottle fed kids get ear infections frequently). And now that they are both in school, they are both at least ONE grade ahead in their school work in every subject (they go to a school that allows them to learn at their own pace). Finally, they are very attached to me and I to them. My sister’s BF kids are sickly, have trouble in school, and get left EVERYWHERE whenever she doesn’t ‘feel’ like having them around.
So now that we have shot down some of the bs they tell you in class, would I say you should try it…SURE. Give it a try and see if you can do it. If you can, go for it. But if you can’t or just decide it isn’t for you, do not feel guilty about it! Oh..and here is a good point about bottle feeding. That 2am ‘feeding’…Hubby can go make a bottle and let you sleep! This was my hubby’s favorite part because he got to bond with the kids during feedings too. Not that you can’t do this with pumped milk reheated, etc…but I didn’t get a chance to do it. Either way, know that you will ROCK as a mom because the #1 quality you need is to be able to laugh at YOURSELF.
Hey Teresa –
Love you on the Adam Carolla Podcast! You’re great — you and Dr. Drew are my favorite companions to Adam. I had no idea who you were before the podcast because I live in Chicago, but I took an instant liking to you.
Here’s why you’re awesome:
1) You’re super quick and witty — I can easily see you having your own radio show/podcast/whatever
2) You don’t try to upstage Adam
3) You’re very attractive — us Jews need some sexy ladies to represent
Listen T: Once the baby is born and everything is settled down, get yourself a podcast. It could be a female-oriented version of the type of thing Adam does. I’d listen (even though I’m a dude). I’m sure the ladies are dying for something that isn’t Oprah/Rachel Ray/The View.
- Mike
Listen Teresa, sure and yadda yadda IMMUNE SYSTEM blah blah blah BONDING lalalalala MOTHER EARTH.
But speaking as someone who’s been doing it the past three weeks, I can tell you that you are barking up the wrong hobby horse.
There are only two questions that really matter when you’re breastfeeding:
WHERE IS THE CLOSEST DONUT SHOP?
and
DO THEY MAKE FRESH DONUTS AFTER TWO P.M.?
This is all you need know.
Big fan Teresa. I have three daughters: now 3, 10, 14 all breastfed. My wife worked hard to succeed. We’re Kaiser people. They offered a breastfeeding counselor first up who helped enormously. Thereafter my wife attended a local (Pasadena) support group where she met new moms, all still friends to this day. The girls were rarely sick, never bottle-fed, and did great. We saved a ton on formula.
It isn’t easy to get started and learn to do, but if you can, great. You won’t regret it.
Best wishes.
My kids (three boys!) are tearing up the house so I’ll be brief. Here’s what I wish someone had told me about getting started breastfeeding, that I only really figured out by kid #3.
1. Though your kid won’t starve in the time it takes for your milk to come in, they will probably get hungry which means it’s hard for them to sleep and they’re cranky and hungry and crying. So it’s a good idea to have an appropriate bottle/nipple and some formula around so when it’s 3am and your hormones are nuts and the kid can’t sleep because they’re hungry, you can feed them and everyone can go to sleep (my kids usually only ate a couple ounces of formula max and then fell asleep).
2. Babies like to suck and suck and suck, but when they are so tiny and haven’t really figured out how to latch properly that can hurt. I recommend having a pacifier around so that after they’ve nursed a little (and gotten some colostrum, and helped keep your milk on the way), you can give them the pacifier and protect your nipples. I know some experts say otherwise, but breastfeeding HURTS for a couple of weeks at least. Once you’ve got everything settled in after 2 or 3 weeks it’s great. Lansinoh (100% lanolin) is great for putting on sore nipples after a feeding, and it’s safe for the baby to nurse while it’s there. I think I’ve also seen some cool gel inserts that you keep in the fridge to put on nipples – probably helpful but I haven’t used them.
3. I am way to lazy to wake up at night and make a bottle – my babies sleep in bed with me and after a few weeks of practice, I barely wake up to feed them. Seriously – make learning to breastfeed while lying down a priority! It took me three weeks with my first, but by the third I was doing it day 1. Then you can sleep while they nurse.
Good luck – feel your way to what works for you and your husband and the baby.
amazing advice!! My wife figured out the night feeding on her side after 2-3 weeks and i\’d say that’s the best advice. Bottles at 11pm, 2am, 4am would be a pain in the ass.
Yes! Use a pacifier. Force it on the babeh if you have to. You will be so thankful later. And seriously, my daughter’s buck teeth went away within a year after we stopped using it. But that is the best advice ever. Don’t let them tell you not use one. Baby needs it and you will need it for your sanity.
Was just going through your old posts, and stumbled across this one.
Jesus Christ, you’re 39? I figured 29, maybe 32…
Secondly, a few days ago I heard you mention an old episode of Loveline with Dr. Drew talking to DJ AM about addiction stuff. I’m not quite sure how you stumbled across that file (I uploaded it, but I can’t remember who I linked it to), but thanks for reminding me. I’ve uploaded it to YouTube, in case other people were interested in a brief snipped of his history.
To put it more bluntly, why people should care that he’s dead.
Take care,
TS
I should note that if you click on my name it directs you to the video.
T – As someone who is breast feeding WHILE responding to this post, let me tell you what I think, and its not what you think it’s going to be. With my first daughter, I was hellbent on breastfeeding – which was a disaster until I had a lactation consultant come and solve our problems… which meant my baby was on formula for 2 weeks til we got the ball rolling with the boobs… I breastfed exclusively for almost 5 months, and then part time for another 3.
I now have a 5 week old son, and had issues breastfeeding again… so I pumped and formula fed until my “boob whisperer’ came back. And again, she figured out what the problems were and we’re happily breastfeeding…
BUT – we’re also on one to two bottles a day as well. and since this is #2, I’m way less anal about this situation. he’s a BIG eater and breastfeeding isn’t satiating him enough especially in his “witching hours” at night. formula takes the edge off and keeps him fuller. and also since this is #2, i’m out and about a lot more and am not always in a situation where i can comfortably “whip it out” and use the boob… its lovely to be able to hand him off to my husband, mother, sitter, etc while i take a shower and know that they can feed him if he gets upset. and also nice to know i can breastfeed him on my own terms.
and i guess that’s the point – do what feels right. and do it on your own terms. if you can breastfeed, go for it. if you want to and you need help, call a lactation consultant as soon as possible so that you’re not in pain any longer than you need to be. and if you want to give him a bottle or hand him off once in a while, do that too.
good luck!
Right on, girlfriend. My first baby was born with a myriad of medical issues and the breast-feeding gestapo didn’t get that she needed to be fed something because she had a heart problem and shouldn’t sleep all the time. It was too stressful making breast-feeding work. When my second one came along, I told myself that I’ll try it and if it doesn’t work, oh well. It worked and I lost weight while drinking McDonald’s milk shakes. Nobody has asthma and both kids are smart unlike what those ladies told me.
Just remember…what ever your decision, it’s the right one. Don’t let anyone guilt you into feeling differently.
Someone wrote about the Lansinoh, it’s AWESOME! I put it on after every feeding and I never had any soreness, except with the initial latching. The hospital only wanted to give me two little samples, but my husband bought me a big tube.
(For the record, I only made it 2 months. My baby is smart and healthy.)
Wow! There sure are a lot of stong opinions on this subject. I read through all of your comments and decided my story was still worth sharing with you.
When I had my first child I was determined to breastfeed him. None of the nurses in the hospital could get him to “latch on”…even the BEST ones who could “get anyone to do it”. I still stayed stong and kept trying. He would do it when he got hungry right?
One we got home I used a hand pump, then fed him, then used a hand pump, then fed him constantly for nine days. I think I slept about 3 hours in those nine days. Finally I called a lactation nurse to come to the house. She first checked out my boobies, then weighed him. When she put him on the scale she noticed he was toungue-tied. Nobody in the hospital had seen that??? Whatever. The nurse finally got him to feed and reweighed him. He had drank 3 ounces. I was in heaven.
When he was a couple of weeks old he started crying. I don’t mean that. I mean when he was a couple of weeks old he didn’t STOP crying. Seriously. The women in my family told me it was colic. I listened. I was stupid. After two weeks of two people crying at all times in my house (either the baby and me, or the baby and my husband) I called the doctor. My baby had blood in his stool. He was allergic to milk. His guts were all torn up from the breast milk that was supposed to make him so much better.
The doc told me to stop breastfeeding immediately and switch to nutramigen. He was indifferent to breast milk vs. formula, so I called the lactation nurse back and told her the deal. I asked her what another option would be. She told me to drink the formula solely so that I could continue to breast feed my baby. What?? Yep. That was her suggestion. One small can was $24. Do you know how much that would cost. And how discusting it would be?
My sister offered to stop drinking milk so that she could breastfeed him because I wouldn’t. You people don’t get it! Cows don’t drink milk, they produce it! Even if I didn’t drink milk I would still be producing it.
Within three days I had my baby back, but he was a little bit behind in sitting up, rolling over and walking because he had done nothing but cry and curl up his tummy for weeks. He is now 5 years old and very healthy, happy and has grown out of all of his allergies.
Here’s my opinion. It’s not for everyone, and it’s not for every baby. Do what feels right for you and ignore everyone else. You will know what is right for you and your baby. Don’t let anyone else talk you into anything or out of anything you feel. A mother’s instincts should never be ignored.
This column is brilliant. As I remember back 6 years ago, crying from lack of sleep and a “failure to thrive” baby, I wish I had seen something like Teresa’s column. How can she have such clarity before even giving birth?!
My son was a very healthy 8lbs at birth. Within 3 days at the follow up appointment, he had lost too much weight. I was quickly assessed by the lactation consultant and given a nursing trainer. Ever seen one? Small receptical (similar to a large syringe) to fill with formula connected to tubing that you tape to your nipple. The idea is that the baby still receives nourishment while it gets the hang of nursing. I was given instructions to feed the baby every 2 hours. The set up of the contraption took 15 minutes. Feeding my son took 1 hour. This process left 45 minutes in between feedings. I couldn’t nurse anywhere but home because of the contraption. I didn’t sleep.
I took my son to the hospital clinic 2x per week to be weighed. He still wasn’t making progress (No wonder with just 2 ounces of formula per feeding). At each doctor’s appointment, the doctor would look concerned at his weight and still tell me to “keep trying the breastfeeding”. Weeks passed under this schedule. Like Kathy’s child, my son screamed constantly (of course! he was hungry.) I kept trying. Finally, at my 6 week ob/gyn appointment, I told my doctor about the struggles. She looked me in the eye and told me to switch to formula immediately. Breastfeeding doesn’t work for everyone. Even she didn’t do it with her two kids. I switched to formula.
The result: within 2 months my son was labelled, THE TANK. He started growing immediately after I started to actually feed him. He is now a 4′ tall, 60 lb six year old – no allergies.
The bias towards breastfeeding is overbearing and ultimately destructive. The bottom line is that I didn’t produce milk and despite my pleas none of the nurses or lactation consultants or even doctors I encountered would even acknowledge this possibility. SICK.
With my second child, I tried breastfeeding again. It was clear within the first two weeks that it wasn’t working. At the check up, the same pediatrician my son visited started the visit by remembering that my son struggled with “Failure to Thrive” and she couldn’t believe he ended up so big. When I told her I didn’t think nursing was working for my daugther, she said, “keep trying”. I left in a blind fury. As mad as I was, my mom was more angry and thought she should visit the doctor to tell her how screwed up her advice was.
My mom told me at the beginning not to feel pressured by the breastfeeding nazis. She even went to the appointments with me. Among my biggest mistakes with all of this was not listening to my mom.
@ Kathy-
When my first was born, I noticed his tongue was tied and the hospital disagreed. When we took him to the pediatrician they told me it was too late for them to fix in their office so we were referred to an ENT specialist who also said it was too late-they would have to put him to sleep to fix his tongue. He was too small for all of that so we decided to hold off until the day he would eventually get his tonsils out or something. He finally ended up having to have a tooth extracted at age 5, so while under general anesthesia we had his tongue clipped. Despite all of that I pushed through and breast fed him for 15 months-I think I was just stubborn-I’m going to do this no matter how much it hurts!
When my 2nd was born 6 months ago-I saw that his tongue was just like his brother’s. I persisted and they clipped it when they did his circumcision. The breast feeding was like night and day-he was able to latch on and I have had zero pain and zero problems.
T-do what you feel is right. I’m glad you will give it a chance-if anything, it’s far less expensive than formula. Don’t be afraid to ask for help. You may want to talk to a friend who has been successful versus someone from the hospital-a friend has no agenda.
Good luck to you!
The best advice is to do what is best for YOU and YOUR baby. I have an in-home daycare…we have babies who formula feed and breast feed. They are all healthy and happy. My personal experience was the same as Kathy’s. My oldest had a protein allergy which meant breast milk wasn’t an option. (Found this out after 6 weeks or so of screaming, throwing up, and failing to thrive.) He had to be on Nutramigen, also. I now have two more kids…none of them breast fed because the allergy is likely to reoccur. They are all super intelligent and quite healthy…and loved like crazy!
Oh, BTW…just to dispel those rumors…depending on what Mama eats and their own biology, breastfed babies can stink just as bad as formula fed ones:) I’ve had LOTS of experience with this…like 30 years.
Nice Cans T-Bone!